Scarecrow Gone Wild

Hello again, everyone. I'm back for another drunken, rambling review on this half-assedly maintained blog that no one pays any attention to. Meanwhile, I continue to slip closer and closer towards becoming a human beach ball physically and continue to be be nearly incapable of genuine social interaction with anyone in the real world. I need to re-evaluate my priorities. But, while we wait for that to never happen, here's 2004's “Scarecrow Gone Wild”:

      First off, if the title wasn't awesome enough for you, prepare to be rocked even harder because it turns out the first build actor is none other than Ken Shamrock. Yes, the Ken Shamrock. This is going to be something else. Opening credits over a cornfield and then we jump right into the action with a random blonde girl running madly through said field without even the decency to wait until the credits had finished. She must be in some serious trouble. Looks like she is because there appears to be Bigfoot chasing after her. At least... it looks like Bigfoot for the few split seconds he's on screen to start with. Let's see how this plays out because, if there's one thing Hollywood knows, it's that adding a crossover aspect totally makes any movie better. Bigfoot and a killer Scarecrow? That's pretty much halfway to a Nightmare Wizard Of Oz (Bigfoot taking the place of the Lion, of course). Also, mental note: look into whether or not there actually is a “Nightmare Wizard Of Oz” movie and either review it or write it.

      It turns out not to be Bigfoot after all. So that's the first time this movie has let me down from what it could have been. There does look to be a little bit more stuffing inside than the average scarecrow gets, though. Probably need some pretty heavy duty posts to hold him up in the field, if you get what I'm saying. Also: the girl seems to have had her face frozen in the same expression as, whether she's running through the field at top speed, collapsing into a random clearing in the field exhausted from her run, or nervously looking around for any trace of her attacker, she's always got the same stupid look on her face and I'm not totally sure it's appropriate to any of those situations.

      After running a bit more, she comes to a big cross in the middle of the field which appears too be standing on top of a pyramid of hay bales (don't question it, just keep drinking). This is probably supposed to be very symbolic of something or other except that it's pretty common knowledge that you need a cross to hold a scarecrow up. She's pretty much ran all the way around for who knows how long just to end up right back in the middle of the scarecrow's living room. Naturally, she climbs the bales and goes up to the cross. This ends exactly as you would expect. The scarecrow slits her throat with one slice from (what I assume is) a mini-scythe, and she “falls down” (a pretty well controlled fall) clutching her throat as we get a good look at the scarecrow for the first time. I really rather we didn't. Somebody obviously just went to Value Village or someplace like that and grabbed what was labelled as a scarecrow Halloween costume and tossed that on for the movie. Disappointing. I mean, I know it's a low budget and all, but when you can't even be bothered to do your title character's costume right? That's just sad.

      Oh hey, turns out this was all just a story some college jocks were telling to a group of guys they have tied up, gagged, and stripped down to their underwear in the shower. That... doesn't even make sense from a “hazing ritual in a movie” standpoint. Oh hey, Ken Shamrock shows up as the coach. He can't act. At all. He doesn't approve of hazing... until he gets the two ringleaders in his office and tells them he was hazing people before they were born but they shouldn't do it because his job is on the line. Then there's some baseball metaphors to show that these guys are all about sports, and the “best player” on the team suggests they throw the other guy (who is the team captain) under the bus since they only need to make an example of one of them. Great team plays like that are why you aren't the captain. But I guess no harm not even doing that because Mr. Shamrock decides to look the other way after he gets the guy's word that there won't be anymore hazing.

      We then cut to that same Best Player walking down the hallway and ending up in the bathroom where he finds his roommate with a needle in his hand. It's okay, though, it turns out it's just insulin, not any “drugs” or whatever. Plus, the BP is actually such a great guy, he helps his roommate out by giving him his shot. Look at the different aspects of his personality come into play.

      Hey look, some equally blank-faced college girls as the one that started the movie. They're nattering on about something or other, it's probably not important since they're just there to serve as eye candy to the other jocks who are making the new recruits do a bunch of push-ups. Also, one of the girls seems to be the BP's girlfriend and it's implied that the roommate has the hots for one of the others. And now, some random tits from a girl that will probably never be seen again in the movie.

      Another random happening: some guy carrying a guitar over his shoulder stops in to interact with the main characters out of nowhere only to walk away just as mysteriously as he appeared. He's wearing a shirt with a name and number on the back, though, so he'll probably be seen again as one of the baseball team. That whole scene was there to show that the roommate is pretty shy and awkward around girls and he can't bring himself to even go talk to the girl he likes. Even though his super-jock roommate is trying to hook him up with her and even though she seems to at least like the idea that he's interested in her. Although what she seems to mind even less is suggesting her and the BP go off somewhere else while the roommate is headed into the back of a truck with the other rookies.

      OH MY GOD! The Team Captain just throw a gas can out of the window of the truck as they were driving down the road and nailed some random kid in the head with it! This movie is awesome! Ken Shamrock disapproves, in his completely expressionless way, but I guess he can't do anything about what his players do when they're driving on a road right in front of him and throwing gas cans at people? Must be a disciplinary grey area.

      Turns out the BP and the girl were just going off to do some running around campus. Nothing wrong with that, totally innocent. Oh wait, turns out that's not the case as they end up making out in a gazebo. Do college campuses even have gazebos? Either way, that's still pretty slutty on both their parts since he's got a girlfriend (...maybe...?) and she... actually, she's pretty clean in this case. She knows the other guy likes her but if he doesn't even have the balls to talk to her why should she stand around waiting on him? BP's kinda a douche for sniping his boy's girl, though.

      Back to the cornfield from the story where the baseball team and the other groupies (seriously? Baseball groupies? No wonder the girls seem a little less than top notch in the looks department; they're down the list from the football and basketball groupies; still decently hot, though) are dragging the rookies up to the scarecrow in order to keep going with that hazing they promised not to do. One of the rookies decides not to take having beer poured on him anymore, and throws one of the worst fake punches in the history of film at the Captain. Seriously, not only does he not even come close to connecting with it, the sound of the “impact” goes off just as he's raising his fist to throw it. This may actually have been the roommate that did that. Everyone in this movie is so generic looking it's hard to tell one apart from the other. Anyway, they tie him up to the scarecrow and then the Captain decides the best thing to do is pour some more beer on the guy's bare chest and lick it off. Wow. And since that was kinda gay and we wouldn't want to disturb anybody in the audience with guy-on-guy stuff, we cut to a totally heterosexual sex scene between BP and the Red Head. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention before: the one that looked like BP's girlfriend is a Brunette, the one that the roommate wanted is a Red Head, and there's also a Black Haired one and a Blonde. That is pretty much the only way you can tell the girls apart. Seriously, all these people have the same body type. But yeah, this is a sex scene where everyone keeps their underwear on, and we quickly go back to the corn field where it turns out to be getting dark all of a sudden and the team is now leaving the roommate tied to the scarecrow overnight. They do relent after they drive out of the corn field, though, and decide to call BP to get him to come get his roommate since it's “getting cold out and something might happen”. BP doesn't answer, though, because he's still busy banging Red. That's actually pretty impressive since it was mid-afternoon when they started and it's now completely dark out. One of the girls literally asks “are we there yet?” about the beach as they're standing in the middle of the road just outside the cornfield, and at that point Captain decides to send the other rookies to go untie Roommate so that all the rookies can walk to the beach while he, the rest of the team, and the girls drive there. Obviously he realized how stupid one of the girls is and wants to get somewhere where he can just bang her and not have to listen to her as quickly as possible and this is a better option than waiting for BP to answer his phone and come pick up Roommate himself. I honestly don't blame him.

      Unfortunately for everyone else (but fortunate for anyone that wanted to start seeing people get sliced up), some crazy things have started to happen to Roommate as he's left tied to the scarecrow. Crazy “inverted colours video effects” type things. Seriously, that's the type of budget they were working with, I guess. In the midst of this, the Scarecrow opens his eyes... although it's hard to tell since it's all in negative... and he's wearing a cheap Halloween mask so you can't see his eyes so well anyway... and he's not supposed to have eyes in there to open in the first place since he's just supposed to be a regular scarecrow. Either way, the Scarecrow magically transports himself down to the ground where he looks up at his cross and we get to see Roommate posed like he's Jesus and just hanging there, possibly dead from what was maybe an hour or two out in a field.

     Now the three other rookies are wandering around the field looking for Roommate and bitching about how cold it is (remember, they're still having a beach party and everyone is running around in T-shirts and shorts so “cold” is a relative term) when one of them hears something. Turns out... it's just him farting. Which is all fun and games... until the Scarecrow grabs him and pulls him into the corn stalks. I guess the lesson here is: never fart in public. After that the other two (who had run off and so didn't see or hear their friend get killed) find Roommate hanging off the cross either dead or barely alive. Using the sound logic that, if they called the cops, they'd miss out on the beach, they decide to call the coach instead. Everyone brace yourself for another dose of Ken Shamrock on screen. ...Guess not, answering machine. So they leave a message basically confessing to the hazing and only then go up to cut Roommate down. Scarecrow kills them both in what has to be some of the worst acted and worst made-up (seriously, the “intestines” on the one guy look like they were just sitting on top of his perfectly good shirt) deaths I've seen so far in this blog.

      After another two or three rounds in bed with Red, BP finally checks his phone and hears the message the team left. This prompts him to jump into action to go save Roommate and Red comes along with him because if there's one thing a guy that's been hazed wants to see it's the girl he likes showing up still flushed from the quickie in the car she had with his roommate. Also, there's the worst dialogue so far in the movie as the two of them are lying in bed. It's pretty bad. Anyway, they take a hell of a lot less time to get to the scarecrow cross than the rookies did, and when they get there they both actually seem pretty concerned about finding Roommate tied up and unconscious/dead. This is easily the best acting so far in the movie. A point made slightly less valid when it takes less than a second to get the ropes undone and Roommate off the cross. Oh hey, looks like those same random tits from before did show up again. Let me explain: Red called the guy that's banging the Girl Who Never Wears A Top because he's a doctor (and he ex-brother-in-law, it's a plot point from the first time he was on screen that's not worth getting into) and Roommate is in insulin shock so he tells her where the nearest hospital is and that he'll meet her there and we all get to see some fake tits again. Everybody wins... except Roommate who is in insulin shock and dying.

It's also worth noting that the term “hospital” is not used in the movie. They call it a “trauma centre”. Anyone watching the movie would call it “an unfinished house that still has plastic sheets covering holes in the wall but also happens to have a stretcher in a hallway”. Working on a tight budget sucks. Also, while Roommate is in the care of Dr. Ex-Brother and Nurse Topless (she's actually not topless in this scene), it's at this point that Red and BP start fighting because they were banging rather than looking out for their friend... with some terrible dialogue.

      It's now day for no reason and we're at the beach with everyone else because fuck continuity. And the Black Haired Girl decides to take her top off to tan because why not? Seriously, there's nothing said by anyone else or her to lead up to it, she just tosses a blanket down beside Blonde (who keeps her top on, by the way), sits down and takes it off. Then the camera cuts to a couple of the jocks and they're busy putting a spiked pole in the sand and literally no one seems to be looking at the topless chick. That's kinda sad that her cry for attention went so unnoticed that the guys would rather take turns playing with pieces of wood than look at boobs. Good thing Captain is there to point out the topless girl that is literally right in front of them. They also say something about wondering why the rookies didn't make it to the beach but it's fine since the rookies couldn't find them with a compass or something. Plus it's right in the middle of that point that they get told there are boobs in front of them so they pretend to stop caring about boys and pretend to start lusting after boobs (I can read the subtext). Doesn't matter, though, since it turns out Topless was just doing it to try and catch BP's attention. BP, however, is the only guy there not looking at her because he's back with his girlfriend Brunette. I should probably mention that it was told before that Topless Black Haired girl and BP had hooked up one time before the movie takes place. While he was with Brunette. So yeah, BP pretty much only has to tap Blonde to “hit for the cycle” (see what I did there? It's a baseball term).

      Also, just as a side rant, something that's bugged me so far in this movie: the “varsity” baseball team seems to consist of a total of nine players. That's including the three rookies that were killed and Roommate who is in the partially built Habitat For Humanity wing of a trauma centre. Why did any of them put up with the hazing? Seriously. I mean, I'm by no means an expert, but I know that a baseball team needs a minimum of nine players and that's if you expect your one pitcher to pitcher the entire game every game. Captain threatened the rookies with benching them if they didn't show up for the push-ups part of the hazing, but who else was he going to play? Also, that's not really his call, it's the coach that makes line-up changes. Anyway, enough plot holes for now, back to the movie.

      Captain picks up a cooler full of... melted ice and nothing else, I guess, and starts chasing Blonde around with it before throwing the water at her and then picking her up and carrying her into the water. This leaves the semi-naked girl alone because the other guys are too busy watching Captain to pay attention to a topless girl (remember the subtext I was reading?). Black Hair starts to hear the same music the rookies did before Scarecrow showed up coming from over top of the rocks. After putting her top back on, BP shows up asking if they're still cool and still friends. I only point this out because it means that, at some point, he left his girlfriend to go over and talk to her while she was still topless. That is a pretty damn clueless girlfriend... although she did seem not to notice that BP and Red were both not there the night before so I guess that's kinda her thing. Also, as she came into the foreground for the first time in the movie while BP and Black Hair were talking, turns out she's not really a Brunette, just a dark blonde. Still calling her “Brunette”, though.

      ...I may have to backtrack on some of this. Remember how I said that “all these people look alike” or whatever? Turns out that's really true because the guy at the beach that has the girlfriend and still banged Black Hair may not have been BP at all but some other guy that looks exactly like him (to be fair, watching this on my computer and it's pretty piss-poor quality video) because BP and Red are still sitting in the “trauma centre” waiting on what happens to Roommate. Seriously, all the girls have the same figure and look aside from their hair colour (and the girlfriend is a lot more tanned than the rest) and the guys all look the same except for their hair and the fact that one of them is black. Also, really, Hollywood? Only one black character? Never mind. Anyway, BP and Red have a heart-to-heart standing over Roommate's bed and it turns out BP and Roommate are basically brothers and, back when they were teenagers, Roommate stopped BP from jumping off a bridge in front of a train while BP was “doped up on... pretty much everything”. It's worth noting that the movie shows Red feeling more sorry for how things went than BP which just makes him look like even more of a douche since it's gone from banging the girl his roommate wanted to banging the girl his brother wanted and... I'm just going to stop there. I'll also say, though, that in this scene Red keeps saying things... but there are no words picked up on the audio track. It's BP's story told, with inter cuts of Red's face with her lips moving and words being said only... nothing. Great technical work. Whatever she might have been saying, they end up deciding it's time to go whoop some ass down at the beach. Ken Shamrock, who only now hears the message left for him, also decides to go whoop some ass... in an acting style that would make even Vince McMahon cringe it's so bad. Ladies and gentlemen: shit is about to get real.... I hope.

      You know what this movie was missing before now? A “Top Gun” reference. Yup, there's a volleyball scene for no reason. I can't put it quite into context since I wasn't old enough in the 80s to understand, but I think this music is worse than in Top Gun but it's also slightly less homo-erotic since there are girls involved in the game rather than just shots of Val Kilmer and Tom Cruise. Oh yeah, Wal-Mart either paid for part of this movie to be made or sued them and got paid because the ball they're using is a Wal-Mart smiley face volleyball. Trust me, I stocked shelves there for two non-consecutive summers while I was in school. I know what those things look like. Okay, even without proper context for how bad the song in Top Gun might have been, this one is worse. It does not fit at all. Also, there are several continuity errors in how their shots go. The physics just don't work. Also: Captain outs looks-like-BP for banging Black Haired Girl behind Brunette's back, Brunette runs off, not-BP runs after her, Black Hair runs off in the other direction for some reason, and the Lone Black Guy returns from surfing this whole time (I guess) to ask “what did I miss?”. I'll let you make your own judgements about how necessary a character he is at this point.

      Not-BP catches up to Brunette and he tries to talk it out with her but they start hearing the Scarecrow music. In a rare moment of sense this movie makes, they both assume it's just one of their friends screwing around so Not-BP goes to chase them away so he and Brunette can talk in private. He says he'll be back in “two seconds” and literally two seconds later she starts calling after him and goes to investigate where he is. Side note: I'm almost positive (but I can't be sure, the actresses are that interchangeable) it was her voice that asked “are we there yet?” while they were stopped on the side of the road. She finds him holding what can only be described as... I can't even describe what it looks like. Suffice to say, it looks like the special effects department tried to make it look like his insides were outside without remembering that there needs to be an opening on his outside for his insides to get out. Also: she acts like a TV actress playing a character auditioning for a part in a horror movie where she sees her boyfriend lying with his guts torn out and is really bad at it. Only not as hipsterly ironic. This seems to be her actual talent level. Wow.

      Scarecrow grabs Brunette and she... offers absolutely no resistance at all as he drags her across the beach. At the same time, Roommate is having a seizure in his “trauma centre” bed. Then Scarecrow lets go of her (it's the only possible explanation since she wasn't kicking and yet he let go of her feet) and she tries to run off. It doesn't work so well. She falls for no reason, waits there for Scarecrow to walk up to her and pick up a rock to bash her head in. Which he does.

     Back to the beach. Captain and Black Guy are burying Guitar Guy in sand because he's asleep. Including sand breasts. At which point BG tells Captain he'll “always love [him]” (in this case that's actually in context and the one non-gay thing about this scene) and Captain calls him a “fag”. Immediately after which Captain says Guitar Guy “looks hot” and looks up at BG... meaningfully (I can read subtext... but don't have to for this one). The response of “maybe he needs a hose-down!” (word for word) speaks for itself.

     A decent entrance for BP and Red happens (they find Not-BP still encased in sand after being pissed on by the other two and BP says the line “you look pissed”) and we cut to Blonde and Black Hair talking again. Captain comes up to try and apologize (the two angles were shot at two different times...just a technical fact you notice if you've ever tried to make a movie before), but she doesn't go for it. Then the worst “hold me back while I pretend to want to fight... no I mean it, hold me back!” scene in the history or the world. Not just movies, the world. Seriously, even The Drew Carey Show episode where Ryan and Oswald asked Drew if they could stop pretending to hold him back was more convincing than this. And now it turns into a PSA about diabetes. Seriously. Symptom list, etc etc. OH SNAP! Turns out... a lot of minor details come out that makes it so no one involved feels like they're to blame for what happened to Roommate. Guess who's going to end up dead? That's right, everyone that thinks they're not to blame! (wild prediction, I haven't seen what happens next but... come on, you all know what's coming).

      Brunette dies next. She... she really deserved it the way she acted leading up to it. I'm not going to go into details about it because... MY GOD is it ever stupid. Roommate has another seizure while it happens, though. That's worth mentioning for those that haven't picked up on what's going on (it's a horror movie, remember, not real life, make the connection accordingly).

      Hours later, someone finally notices that Not-BP and Brunette are gone. It's brushed off, though. Goddammit college kids are stupid. Blonde even congratulates Red for hooking up with BP even though she knows Roommate was looking at Red before.

      Anyway, set the scene: BP and Captain are making up as friends by hitting baseballs into the ocean. Blonde and Red are gossiping about Red's time with BP, and Guitar Guy and Black Guy are standing around on the other side of the fire with BG wanting to hear the song GG wrote.

      I take back what I said about “Backwoods Bloodbath”, I guess the “two guys for every girl” ratio happens in other movies too. The problem here being that at this point GG starts playing and singing for everyone. And they all crowd around. And it becomes even more obvious that the actor playing Guitar Guy cannot play the guitar. He can also not sing, or at least, not lip sync to the track they dubbed over because he is way off a few times. ...and they play the whole song through. You know what the camera sees while they spend three minutes on this song (which is only half-decent to begin with)? It sees the two girls “accidentally” bumping into each other and then shots of them together. It shows shots of BP and Captain together. And it shows BG alone, but looking longingly over at GG. I don't even need to read subtext for this one. The couples have been established. The only problem? Scarecrow shows up, picks up one of the spikes that was used for the post of the volleyball net, and goes all Hate-Crime on the happy couples by impaling Guitar Guy. Bad acting ensues (although, that's really another relative term at this point of this movie). Also worth noting: after GG dies, Scarecrow's next victim is BG who, you remember, was GG's “partner” in the mix. No one tries to stop Scarecrow while he's choking BG to death. It's only after Scarecrow has evened the gender numbers that they start to fight back. Scarecrow goes after Red next and BP and Captain knock him away so that BP can carry Red away to safety as Captain and Blonde run away with them.

      Subtext aside, for no reason at all Red falls down as they're running over a sand done. This causes everyone to stop and try to help her. The idea that it might be a “spinal injury” is floated around even though that is fucking retarded since she was just running and then decided to fall over for no reason. Whatever, they all seek shelter under a lifeguard station on the beach. Then... some of the weakest bullshit I have ever heard for “boogie man” monsters. I won't even repeat the back story they try to give Scarecrow because, even though it kinda fits why Roommate hooks up with him (spoiler alert... but you were smart enough to know that already), it is just... for fucks sake! I'm drinking on purpose for your movie and even I can see the problems with your story. Think about that.

      And now, Ken Shamrock acting. The greatest horror of them all. Luckily, we're reprieved from that by Ken Shamrock finally doing what he's at least a little bit good at (i.e.: fighting) and kicking Scarecrow in the face and then throwing him into the ramp. So... yeah.. it just became a pro wrestling match. Even though he's the good guy... common sense says bet against Shamrock.

      He gets choked out.

      The two couples are still running away, though. After a while they end up on a road with a truck coming and surely this is some help... Or just Scarecrow driving a truck so he can run over Blonde? Really? Because there are so many reasons that shouldn't make sense... and yet... nope, still doesn't. Good thing she isn't actually dead from it... oh wait, that's just the crappy effects. I guess she actually is dead. Captain tries to act for a while: It's not very effective.

      The three left get back to the unfinished house of horrors (with attached trauma unit). Captain makes the inevitable post-Scream horror movie comment (in this case: “if you say 'let's split up' I will bitch slap you” in reference to the horror movie rule pointed out in Scream how anyone that says “let's split up” get killed) and then... They walk down the abandoned and possibly Scarecrow-infested hallway armed with nothing but Captain holding a fire extinguisher, BP holding a pocket LED flashlight, and Red holding nothing but BP's hand. Fantastic. Still 23 minutes to go.

      They get to Roommate's room only to find... he's not there! Dun dun dun! They don't play that music in the movie, but the acting makes it seem like they might as well have been that cliched. After that they end up finding Roommate, still under the care of Nurse Topless and Dr. Ex-Brother a few rooms down. Having visited a friend in the hospital a few times, I know for a fact that switching rooms without telling anyone that might show up to visit them is pretty much standard policy.
      Newest best scene in the movie:

Nurse Topless is running down to try to restart the generator because the power is out. As she's running off, Captain calls after her “Hey be careful! It's dangerous!”

She responds: “I know this place like the back of my hand!” foolishly assuming he meant to be careful because of the dark.

Frantically, he cries after her: “I mean there's a homicidal scarecrow... out... there...”

      Captain realizes how ridiculous that sounds and accepts that she's likely going to die because this movie is retarded and even given that she is rushing into certain death. He's right, by the way. She dies pretty much as soon as she's out of sight of the rest of the cast.

      After that, we get back to the rest of the cast pretending they're on ER. Heart failure! Shock him! No response! Do it again! Etc etc. In all fairness, Captain predicts his own death because they send him out to go turn the power on... which Nurse Topless couldn't do before him. It's kinda funny that he dies reminding everyone it's a bad idea to split up in horror movies. BUT WAIT!

      Captain's not dead yet. The team is still shocking Roommate back to life and, whenever he gets a bit of a heartbeat going, Scarecrow looses power. So now when Captain has Scarecrow's hands around his neck he gets a reprieve because of the defibrillator. But... there's only one more charge left and... they restart Roommate's heart and Scarecrow collapses. Captain, after BP and Red rush out to see him, says that “it was like the two of them [Scarecrow and Roommate]were one and the same”. Everyone goes in to watch as Roommate wakes up and... For no reason Roommate's heart stops again.
      Dr. Ex goes running for supplies and suddenly finds Scarecrow waiting for him... although at this point “Scarecrow” looks like he has feathers on most of his cheap-ass Halloween costume and the mask doesn't even look the same as the start of the movie. He looks like... he looks like the holographic character from Worf's training program. The Green skull guy. Anyone who's ever watched Next Generation knows who I'm talking about. Fuck y'all if you don't. Either way, Scarecrow overpowers Dr. Ex and kills him with... a beaker full of acid?
      After that the rest of them decide to wheel Roommate down into the centre of all this shit. There's a rather large fight scene (one might even call it a “boss fight” if this was a video game... or people reading this were that nerdy), that ends with defibrillators being used (though not as you might expect) for the win and then...

THREE WEEKS LATER

     Pretty much look-a-likes for the girls from before invite Roommate to a party while Red and BP make-out a ways away from that. Roommate accepts but then goes and talks with Red and BP about it, and the two of them invite him to go share a bottle of champagne with the coach. Ken Shamrock can apparently survive even WWE-style beat downs from scarecrows (hard to see why he couldn't; after all, he could loose to pretty much everyone else out there in pro wrestling and UFC). Also: I think everyone is acting down to his level at this point because... well, there's no other excuse.

      And then... HORROR MOVIE ENDING! With all the implausible turns of events (and coming from this movie, that's saying something) that implies. I'll give them this much credit: it actually looked like they were just wrapping shit up for the last ten minutes. Not so much. They may not have played it well, but they played it all in. Even despite how little sense even the writers can make of why this shit is going on. Someone at the studio said “give it a twist at the end” and the writers tried their damnedest to make it happen... at least, that's how I hope it happened. If the script actually called for this last fight in the first draft... may god have mercy on us all.